I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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