when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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