Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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