so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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