very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize