ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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