I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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