he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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