Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize