Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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