I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize