it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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