Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize