Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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