So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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