Im at strip club and am horny
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize