saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize