omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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