i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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