1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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