you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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