I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize