You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize