Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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