i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize