We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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