My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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