Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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