We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize