im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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