Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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