I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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