So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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