i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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