the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize