omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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