Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize