Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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