some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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