I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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