you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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