Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize