It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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