i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize