what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize