I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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