So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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