Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize