apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize