he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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